Life

Why doesn't anything ever make sense to me?  I don't know if the truth about everything just pisses me off or if things only make sense when they are in your favor.
I can remember moments in life when things were so great. Like when I found out this girl who was "the hot chick" in the grade ahead of me liked me and we dated.....for a week. When I got a job out west in the oil field and was told the first year of working there I would make $60,000, but it wasn't because they paid alot it was because I would be working ALL THE TIME.  The time I moved to the Virgin Islands and at 3am me and a friend took a hike to the edge of the island and watched the sun rise naked. We were laying on a rock a little off the shore and the sun came up with its first rays hitting my body like I was seeing something that had never been seen before. It was like a symbol for the end of my youth. I couldn't make it on that island because everything was in tourist prices.  I take that back I could have made it but it would have been one hell of a struggle. It really wasn't what I wanted, to live in a tropical paradise my whole life.  I want to live in a coniferous forrested region and build a family.  It is hard to build a family by yourself, haha, it is actually impossible. It seems like I am getting farther and farther away from a "normal" mindset.  I say things and people don't understand or even worse they are scared by the comment. I haven't "dated" anyone in over a year now, but I could date my ex or this other girl that seems to have some sort of crush on me.  One of them doesn't know me and she thinks everything is cute or supposed to be for her entertainment.  The other one knows who I am and wants me to act like everything she does is right, but she is so self centered. Neither of them have any sort of thoughts besides making money and getting what they want. Thats fine but thats not for me.  I want to meet somebody who thinks outside the box or has passion to put into something besides themself.  I want to live in an area that has something to look at besides miles of flat land.  If I could see things more clearly how other people do and adjust myself then maybe I could change a part of this world or find some people to make our own society.  WOw, I have lost it.